Getting over the fear of marriage

It sometimes happens that a marriage proposal is met with less enthusiasm than might be hoped for. A mitigated, hesitant or even negative response can hide a fear of commitment or even fears of being “imprisoned”.

“When I talk about marriage, I can really feel him scowling;” Lucy comments. “Since I proposed on bended knee,” I’ve felt her becoming more distant,’ worries Romain.

The ring on the finger, white dress and romantic honeymoon happen only once in a lifetime (if all goes to plan!). While romanticism has remained in tact for women, the number of those actually walking down the aisle is dwindling. In 1940, the number of marriages registered in England and Wales peaked at 426,100 – which has gradually slipped down to only 143,400 in 2007.

Much of the reduction in marriages can be linked to changing social mores, which now accept cohabitation outside of marriage and increasing divorce rates.

But those who do still believe in the institution of marriage, and yet are recalcitrant to actually get married themselves have their reasons and it’s worth understanding those, if you want to give “happily ever after” a chance.

The reasons behind a fear of marriage

“Every marriage proposal is unique, and you need to differentiate between one that is motivated by a deep intention of moving forward together and one that is shaped more by the fear of losing the other,” advises psychotherapist Sarah Seriévic.

The first type can awaken a fear of commitment in the other, and the second immediately pushes the other into feelings of imprisonment and of losing the freedom that was gained after leaving the parental home. Others who are reticent may of course belong to the “happily divorced” category, swearing that they will not be had twice.

Each one of these is therefore a “good reason" for responding to even the most romantic proposal with hesitation, awkwardness, grumbling or sometimes even by escape. Luckily, love overcomes obstacles and by taking them into account you’ll be able to better give past them…

Marriage and long-term commitment

The fear of commitment is understandable but kind of difficult to own up to. For some, the delight of waiting and constantly repeating the same question in order to know if they are loved or not can be exciting. The emotional reassurance on which marriage is based on goes against desire and will actually put the brakes on a relationship. Others will not admit to themselves that they are afraid, even if they give the impression of wanting to enter speedily into wedded bliss.

Most of the time, a resistance to commitment hides wobbly self-confidence. Sarah Sériévic pinpoints the problem; “It’s all to do with the fear of not being all the other could wish for and living up to an ideal.”

A marriage proposal brings a person up against the question: “Will I be affectionate, attentive and loving enough, faced with the constraints of daily life and that for the rest of our lives?”

To get the wheels turning, Sarah Sériévic suggests a different way of looking at things: What if getting married is a chance to commit, offering the opportunity to reassure yourself of your own value? The other has chosen you as ‘the one’ after all…

Marriage with strings attached!

When the proposal is motivated by the desire to be permanently attached to the other, or the fear of losing them, this can certainly lead to resistance linked to the idea of being imprisoned.

Visions of a beautiful white veil, incredible tiered wedding cake, a prince charming and beautiful princess all fly out of the window and only the image of a ball and chain is left, with the feeling of being held down all the time.

This is often the case in exclusive relationships. “Laying the weight of all your happiness exclusively on the shoulders of your partner can be oppressing,” says the psychotherapist. Some types of very possessive love can be imprisoning as a result.

This type of over-the-top possessiveness can be recognised by signs of excessive jealousy or emotional dependence. Here, a simple evening passed without the other’s company can generate anxiety and if this is the case, your partner’s fear of marriage is completely justified.

Ask yourselves again what your motivations are, and try to think first about the notion of “being free together”: an idea which is based on more confidence in the other and in yourself than possession. It is about a relationship being built around a desire for personal development with a view to sharing your life with someone. Only you can decide to commit for the right reasons, and your partner too!

The clan of the “happily divorced”

Our modern era is complex for relationships and has seen a huge revolution in the way men and women live together, including de-facto cohabitation outside of the bounds of marriage, and of course divorce. The generalisation of divorce is one of the most notable phenomena of the last half-century, across all ages and sectors of society.

The number of divorces in the UK rose from 33,000 in 1950 to 155,000 in 2000. Over the last couple of years, the trend has decreased a little, but this may well be in direct relation to the decreasing number of marriages – there’s no need to get divorced if you aren’t married! That being said, the number of splits in de-facto relationships has inched above the number of divorces…

And in a new relationship, it’s often the case of once bitten twice shy; with those once divorced naturally more reluctant to walk down the aisle a second time over, particularly where children are involved… This particular reason for aversion to marriage is a hard one to get over, so if you are dead-set on marrying your already divorced partner, you could be in for disappointment.

Marriage as a ritual part of your evolution

And if the underlying fear is of things not being normal anymore? After all, when these choices over the dress and the caterer etc. are out of the way, getting married means saying a resounding “yes” to the huge adventure of being a couple, and facing all the challenges it may bring.

Loving and committing someone for the long-term is without doubt the most immediate way of finding out what your own limitations are. An exercise we are not all always ready to launch ourselves into. Only if you take it for what it really is, can you know what an amazing opportunity marriage is for personal evolution.

Internet safety tips for parents

You’ve got friends in the hundreds on Facebook, follow Stephen Fry on Twitter and use the iPlayer to catch up on last weekend’s telly.

But even if you think you’re “down with the kids” you probably still don’t know as much as they do about the Internet.

And this glaring fact is leaving many thousands of children open to abuse.

A new survey reveals that, while around 80 per cent of British five to 15-year-olds are online every day, nearly two-thirds (61 per cent) of parents fail to set adequate online controls to keep them safe.

The MORI poll, commissioned by the UK’s Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (CEOP), suggests parents’ confusion about the new technologies is a major obstacle to proper understanding of the sites their children are visiting.

The boom in social networking, instant messaging and gaming means the digital world is changing at an ever faster pace. And with cyber-bullying on the rise, along with Internet grooming, Internet addiction, hacking and more, young users are exposed to all manner of online attacks.

So, for European Safer Internet Day (February 7), the CEOP Centre is urging parents to get properly involved in their children’s online life – with a special website Thinkuknow set up to steer adults through the maze of technology their children may be using.

Advice includes adapting Facebook privacy settings, checking sites and games are age-appropriate, blocking or reporting contacts in IM (Instant Messaging), addressing the issue of online pornography and teaching kids how to control the information they share with others.

There is also a series of films for children aged from five to 16, guiding them through their use of online technologies and teaching them how to respond if something goes wrong or they feel concerned.

As the website notes: “The internet has changed all of our lives, and your child has grown up during this change. Many of the things that confuse, baffle or even scare us, are part of the everyday for them. For many of us, this can all be a bit too much.

“Whether you’re a technophobe or a technophile, it’s still likely that you’ll be playing catch-up with the way your child is using the Internet.”

CEOP Centre chief executive and senior police officer Peter Davies says: “Technology has transformed people’s lives both collectively and individually. It has changed how we communicate and socialise and children and young people are at the forefront – the real Internet pioneers. For them it provides immense opportunity and excitement.

“But too often we see examples of where the child is at risk because they make simple online mistakes. We all have a role to play and today I want to encourage parents to engage with their child to help avoid these risks.”

Among the top tips laid out are:

Be involved

For young people today there is no division between online and offline – they use the Internet to socialise and learn. Just as you are there for them offline, you should give support online too. Talk to your kids about what they are doing and show you understand – they will then be more likely to approach you if they need help or advice.

Stay up-to-date

Be curious and interested in the new gadgets and sites your child uses. As the CEOP Centre cautions: “It’s important that as your child learns more, so do you.”

Set boundaries

There should be boundaries in the online world as much as in the real world: which sites they can visit, who they can communicate with, and when and how, for instance. These rules will change and adapt as they grow and use new technologies.

Know how they are connected to the Internet

These days it’s not just a computer that connects to the Internet: your child’s phone or games console can, too. Make sure you monitor their use of all their devices and check how they are going online: is it your connection, where you may have placed controls, or a neighbour’s Wifi, which lacks safety settings?

Set the controls

Use parental controls on the TV, computers, games consoles and mobile phones to lock and block dangerous sites and help you steer your child through the appropriate boundaries. Your service provider (eg Sky, Vodafone, Virgin etc) will be able to help you with this.

Remind them not to speak to strangers

Just as you caution small children not to go off with strangers, you should remind your kids that not everyone online is who they say they are. Make sure they never meet up with someone they only know online, or at least never without a trusted adult to accompany them.

A CEOP spokesman adds: “The risks that children face may have changed but basic parenting skills remain the same.”

Why 2012 will be a great year for individual style!

Bright, bold and feminine for SS12: Holly Fulton gives the girls what they want

Style it light is all about celebrating individual style! This week’s guest columnist, Johanna Payton, author of Fashion Detective and head of fashion at Style Compare, reveals why 2012 will be a fun year for fashionistas.

Johanna writes: 2011 has been fascinating; it was the year real women rebelled against the cult of the ‘trend’ and found their fashion mojo. Looking ahead to 2012, this can only be good news.

After the February Fashion Weeks, we thought neutral tones - and our dads’ clothes - would invade our wardrobes; boyfriend fashion and androgyny were the way forward, according to the fashion elite. But we just weren’t ready. When summer finally gave way to autumn, we refused to give up our floaty maxi dresses and girly prints. The androgynous trend fell flat on its backside as we bathed our bodies in bright colours, layered skirts and printed tea dresses.

Because of this rebellion, the September runways were soaked in colour, print and freedom. By ignoring the trends we were supposed to be wearing in AW11/12, we gave the designers a license to thrill; they (thankfully) forgot the draining influence of a recession which had sent them on the late Eighties/early Nineties path.

Designers including Holly Fulton and Mary Katrantzou captured exactly what we wanted; eye-popping colour, extreme femininity combined with edgy irreverence and mixed-era influences, creating a look that is, finally, 21^st Century.

That’s why 2012 is going to be a fun year for fashionistas; we’ve found a fashion identity and we’re sticking to it. A vibrant style has already emerged for Christmas, with sparkling gold sequins and unapologetic animal prints ruling the roost. In the early New Year, expect more bling for your buck with sequin jackets, embellished day dresses and candy-coloured hair (just do me a favour and go to a salon if you’re taking the plunge).

As we head into spring, it’s all about the print. Dresses, trousers, shirts and jackets will be adorned with flowers, ferns, swirls, birds and animals. If you thought Versace’s collection for H&M was colour-blinding, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

As recession part deux takes a bite, customisation will hot up during the summer. From sewing beads onto old bikinis to embellishing your basics, creativity will reign.

On the high street, don’t expect the Olympics to cause a Lycra craze. Any influence the Games have on fashion will be subtle and stylish; think Christopher Kane’s tennis skirt and cricket jumper, or Victoria Beckham’s racer-back necklines and silky sports jackets.

By the time we approach 2013, I expect the “Teenies” twist will come in the form of neon colours, digital-inspired prints and more crafty effects, such as patchwork prints, all seen on glam, full-length dresses and palazzo pants.

The New Year is all about girls really going for it; it’s easier than ever to trash the trends and create your own, individual take on fashion. In 2011, designers realised that we don’t always dance to their tune, and by producing designs that they genuinely believe in – rather than pushing trends - they have given us space to write our own fashion stories. With that kind of freedom bursting out of our wardrobes, 2012 could be the best year for fashion yet.

5 foods that will turn you on

Celery

Celery may not be exciting, it may not be appetising, but it is great for getting you excited. If you’re throwing a party or treating your date to a homemade dinner, serve them celery sticks with a sour cream or humus dip. This is the perfect pre-date snack because celery contains androsterone, an odourless hormone, which turns guys on. In turn, men release pheromones, which makes women feel more attracted to the celery chomping man. If you don’t fancy celery and dips, you could pop some celery into a salad or make a celery soup.

Steak with a pine nut salad

If you are on a date, serve steak with a pine nut salad. Firstly most meat-eaters love steak, so even if your date is fussy they will still tuck into what you serve. Secondly, high-protein foods like steak increase alertness and assertiveness. This will mean that after the meal your date won’t feel drowsy and will feel more confident about getting what they want – you. Make sure you combine your steak with a pine nut salad though. Pine nuts, an ancient aphrodisiac, are high in zinc, which enables guys to make more sperm.

Curry

Another great dinner to pick when on a date is curry. A UK study has shown that just thinking of your favourite spicy dish is enough to increase both your heart and your blood pressure to a level similar to one reached during sexual arousal. For the guys, make sure you order a curry that uses the herb Fenugreek. According to a study, male libido increased by 28% when men ate Fenugreek. This is because the seeds are thought to increase the production of hormones, such as testosterone.

Aniseed

Aniseed has been used as an aphrodisiac for years. The Romans and Greeks both believed it to be a powerful concoction.  It is thought that just sucking on the seeds can make you feel aroused. Adding aniseed to a sauce for chicken or pasta is a great way to make use of the seeds. Aniseed is not to everyone’s taste though. If you still want to use aniseed as an aphrodisiac you can add the seeds to ice-cream or drink aniseed based cocktails. There are aniseed teas, aniseed sweets and aniseed liquors.

Strawberries

Did you know that the Romans associated the seductive strawberry with Venus the goddess of love?  Strawberries are particular good for your sex life because they help out the adrenal gland, which produces hormones that stimulate orgasm. Stock up on these red fruits and you’ll feel more stimulated in bed. You could pack a picnic and take strawberries, or if a picnic isn’t for you, eat some vanilla ice-cream with fresh strawberries. The calcium content in a typical bowl (200 milligrams) can also make orgasms more powerful and intense.

What is an orgasm?

An orgasm is a unique combination of both physical and psychological sensations, which appear at the height of sexual arousal. It can be described as the ‘ultimate stage’ of the sexual act, which brings a sensation of satisfaction and fulfilment.

What happens during an orgasm?

An orgasm is the pinnacle of sexual stimulation and, for men, is generally associated with ejaculation and contraction of the perineal muscles.  For women, an orgasm is generally associated with the clitoris retracting along with shuddering muscle contractions in the perineal and vaginal areas.

For both men and women, heart rate accelerates, blood vessels dilate, hair bristles, nipples swell during climax and eyes are often kept closed due to temporary aversion to light.

 In some rare cases, women may sometimes gush or squirt a watery liquid, like an ejaculation, when they orgasm.  This can be quite embarrassing and some women consult a doctor in the belief that they actually incontinent! In reality though, this odourless ‘geyser’ is still quite a mysterious phenomenon. In normal circumstances, female ejaculatory discharge is generally 3 to 5 centimetres cubed in volume and is described as a milky, sweet-tasting substance.

Why is orgasm so good?

As usual when it comes to sex (and love!), the most important feelings are experienced... in your brain! Over and above the physiological sensations described above, physical pleasure, like sport, triggers endorphins in the brain through a process called hypophysis.

These endorphins are 100% natural molecules, very similar to morphine, which give that feel-good factor and a sensation of fulfilment... so that’s why you feel so good after an orgasm! What is more, according to Theresa Crenshaw, author of “The Alchemy of Love and Lust”, sex also triggers a release of DHEA (or dehydroepiandrosterone), which acts as an antidepressant: DHEA is apparently five times more concentrated during orgasm!

What triggers an orgasm?

Now that is the million dollar question! "There’s no such thing as a standard orgasm,” explains sexologist Marie-Hélène Colson. One thing is for sure though; this is another one of those occasions where men and women are diametrically opposed!

While orgasm is generally simple and relatively rapid for men, it can be quite an uncertain phenomenon for women, generally taking longer to achieve... And that is where the main difficulty can lie for achieving a mutually satisfying sex life!

Triggered by the stimulation of erogenous zones, female orgasm requires that a woman know her body well, and that she has cleared away any ‘inhibitions’ and intimate taboos, which may restrict and stop her from "letting go" enough. There is nothing unusual in a young woman not experiencing orgasms right away during her first sexual encounters.

However, a woman who has “mastered” the art of orgasm does have one big advantage over her male partner: multiple and several successive orgasms! Men however, must wait a certain lapse of time after each ejaculation, which can be very short for young men, increasing significantly with age. 

Women’s sexuality after 60

Women’s sexuality after 60
Romantic, erotic and sexual adventure is still possible and often proves to be of excellent quality with nothing holding an older woman back.

That being said, for a woman, age and the menopause, accompanied by the rapid upheaval of her hormonal balance in the space of a few months, clearly define a "before" and "after" stage in her sexuality.

Physical changes occur and can and risk hindering her sex life, such as vaginal dryness, which can make sex unpleasant or painful; tissue slackening can lead to "pelvic organ prolapse" hampering penetration; breast changes can put a dent in her self-image. But there is plenty of good news too...

Older women’s reactions to their changing sexuality

Some older women will resign themselves to the idea that sex is too complicated, especially if it was already difficult during their younger years and didn’t provide much pleasure or was uninteresting. The temptation is great to give sex up and devote yourself to more gratifying activities: grandchildren, volunteering, travelling... There are so many things that your busy family and professional life prevented you from doing before, there’s so much to do!

Sometimes the menopause and related issues offer a long-awaited excuse to finally say farewell to a sex life that was suffered rather than enjoyed.

But many women have the opposite reaction: treatments exist to keep the body in shape; lubricants and hormones help to overcome most of the disadvantages of ageing. And if a woman’s earlier sex life has been good, it’s a part of her life she won’t want to give up as it provides emotional and sensual wellbeing and pleasure.

An older woman's new breath of sexuality

While some older women imagine that they no longer comply with social models of seduction and secretly feel guilty about their erotic desires, others feel liberated and discover with surprise - like an unexpected gift - their still desirable and sensitive body has an imagination overflowing with ideas and fantasies. Now unhampered by reproduction worries (contraception concerns long gone!), sex can be a real pleasure.

Having extra time for you helps can also provide impetus to finally confronting and resolving certain past frustrations. Surveys show that quite a few women have more orgasms after the menopause and some even experience orgasm for the first time! Moreover, the many possibilities to meet people through associations and social activities means that solitude is no longer an inevitability; romance and erotic adventure are still possible and often prove to be of good quality with nothing (work or children) standing in the way.

Even though the effects of ageing and illness are very different from one woman to another, the actual level of freedom experienced is often higher than imagined before being faced with any really debilitating health issues.

Remaining attractive, wanting to seduce (an existing or new partner), and having orgasmsall bring pleasure to life and nourish future projects and ongoing happiness.

Dr Yves Ferroul

How to survive Valentine’s Day when you’re single

Remember it’s not the end of the world

While many of us dream of being swept off our feet and lavished with attention (and gifts) from an adoring partner, in reality it’s important to retain some perspective and remember that it’s not the end of the world if Valentine’s Day is a bit of a letdown on the romance front. OK, you may not have plans this Valentine’s Day, but it is just another day on the calendar after all, and there will be many more to come in which to score the perfect date.

Treat yourself

If you don’t have anybody to spoil this Valentine’s Day, why not take it as an opportunity to spoil yourself? Treat yourself to a bit of pampering, cook yourself a nice meal or have a relaxing bath with candles and a glass of champagne. With no one else’s feelings to consider, you’re free to spend the day doing whatever you want and to make it a special day just for you.

Don’t get in touch with your ex

With romance in the air and seemingly everyone coupled up, it is perfectly natural for your mind to drift to past loves on Valentine’s Day, particularly if you are only recently single. However, although the temptation may be strong to get in touch with an ex, remember that setting yourself up for rejection and heartache is not going to improve your day. Give a friend a call and spend your valuable time and conversation on someone who will appreciate it instead.

Take off the rose-tinted glasses

It’s easy to feel jealous of those who are loved up on Valentine’s Day. However, it’s important to maintain some perspective and remember that no relationship is perfect and that the romance you see on Valentine’s Day is not representative of a day-to-day relationship. Rather than being envious of the relationships around you, remind yourself of all the things you don’t miss about being in a relationship, and all the perks of being single you get to experience now.

Stop torturing yourself

Sobbing into a bucket of popcorn as the credits roll on another romantic movie, wailing along to ‘All by myself’ at the top of your voice, or going over and over all the reasons your ex was definitely ‘the one’ to your poor best friend… Does anyone of this sound familiar? And if so, is this really how you want to spend your Valentine’s Day? Make a resolution not to torture yourself this February 14^th by listening to love songs, watching romantic movies or sitting about reflecting on your failed relationships. Instead, get out there and do something fun!

Spend time with others

Just because you are single on Valentine’s Day that doesn’t mean you have to spend it alone. Rather than moping at home, make plans to spend time with your family or friends doing something you enjoy. You could get the girls round to watch DVDs, visit a family member you rarely get to see, or head out for cocktails with friends. After all, Valentine’s Day is a day for spending time with those you love, whoever they may be.

Kick-start a new romance

If there’s someone you’ve got your eye on and you think they may be interested too, why not take Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to express your interest? Send an old-fashioned anonymous card or just a flirty email and set the wheels in motion. Alternatively, sign up for online dating or look into other ways to find love, and let the thought of a potential new romance brighten up your day.

Top 10 ways to avoid jet lag

Humankind's success in conquering flight has not come without dreaded jet lag. Anyone who is able to be in one location the other side of the world and then pass through several times zones to the other side will inevitably experience some difficulty in getting their body back to their normal routine. So, how do you avoid jet lag?

Almost everyone who travels by air, from passengers to pilots, is affected by jet lag. Jet lag disrupts our natural rhythms, confusing the ‘body clock', which regulates the usual waking and sleeping hours.
Jet lag may affect physical and mental performance and the symptoms include fatigue, insomnia, disorientation, headaches, light-headedness and more. Medical evidence also shows that jet lag makes travellers more susceptible to illness such as colds, flu, and stomach upsets.
Jet lag can be especially bad if you fly from west to east, because it is more difficult for your body to adjust to ‘losing time' when you journey east than to ‘gaining time' when you fly from east to west.
Whatever steps are taken by the flyer, none will entirely eliminate jet lag. Jet lag is an individual thing which affects different people in different ways.
The following are realbuzz's top 10 tips to help you minimize the effects of jet lag:
1. Start changing your sleeping pattern a few days before you leave so that it more closely resembles time zone at your destination. Adjusting your bedtime by an hour a day will lessen the effects of jet lag.
2. Get enough rest in the days prior to your trip. Too many people start off tired before they have even begun, which just exaggerates the effect of any jet lag.
3. Reset your watch at the beginning of your flight so that you start to think in terms of your new time zone.
4. Drink plenty of fluid during and after the flight. Planes are notoriously dry and cause dehydration, and the common wisdom is that dehydration is a leading cause of jet lag. This advice also includes avoiding alcohol.

5. If it is night-time at your destination, then sleep on the plane . Conversely, try to stay awake during the flight if it is daytime at your destination.
6. Exercise as much as you can on the flight while you're awake. Stretch your arms and legs and walk up and down the aisles to stimulate good circulation, which will help lessen the impact of jet lag later.
7. Learn from past experience on how your body has coped with a particular trip. Find the system that best works for you.
8. Avoid taking sleeping pills as they can in fact just make the jet lag worse.
9. Upon arrival, resist the temptation to flake out and have a nap. Napping reinforces the old body clock time, not the new one.
10. In some instances, jet lag may not bother people when they are away, but only when they return. In that case, all the same advice above should be applied in the same way as when the trip first began.

The best paid jobs

The Office for National Statistics has released reams of data showing how much we earn in different careers as employed workers.

Firstly, I'm going to look at the best and worst paid jobs, because I know you voyeurs find that interesting. Secondly, I'm going to look at some potentially better-paid jobs that appear to require no pre-training or qualifications, and no need to slog for countless years on the lowest rung in the hope of advancement.

The wages shown below are just averages, since individual earnings vary greatly, as do opportunities and salaries in your area. Pay in London will often push up the averages, for example.

Even so, if you bear that in mind, the figures below should give you a rough idea how other jobs compare to yours.

The biggest earners

There are around 700,000 in the top earnings bracket, earning more than £52,000 per year.

Doctors and some other medical practitioners make up about 200,000 of these jobs, and financial managers close to half. The 70,000 directors and chief executives of major organisations earn far more than anyone else, averaging over £100,000. We also have around 7,000 “mandarins” who are senior officials in national government posts.

No surprises there, but these are joined by maintenance managers in mining and energy, police inspectors, and brokers. The aviation industry has three of the highest-paid jobs: air-traffic controllers, aircraft pilots and flight engineers.

Dentists and vets don't make the cut, earning more like £30,000 to £40,000, but remember these figures are for employed people only; the self-employed presumably earn much more.

[Useful: Find a new job now]

The lowest earners

On the other end of the scale, there are millions of workers in jobs where the average wage is less than £12,500, which is where the Liberal Democrats want to set the income-tax personal allowance. In total, 40 of the job classifications average this pay level or less.

There are 18 job types earning an average of £10,000 or less, excluding those that look to me to be exclusively for part-time workers. These include: sports coaches, market research interviewers, tour guides, hairdressers, check-out operators, office administrators, theme park attendants, catering staff and domestic cleaners.

More earners of interest

Beauticians do better than hair dressers, managing closer to £12,000, and road sweepers do more than twice as well as their domestic-cleaning counterparts, averaging £17,000.

Virtually all hard-science and engineering professions average £34,000-£44,000. Employed teachers, architects and surveyors tend to earn at the lower end of that scale.

In the world of entertainment, employed dancers earn more than £20,000 per year – about £10,000 more than actors – but musicians do even better at closer to £25,000.

Jobs you can jump right into

Hopefully that satisfied your curiosity, but now I'd like to turn to some jobs that appear to me to be opportunities to get swiftly beyond your current salary.

Since most of us can't afford a large step back in salary, I'm looking at jobs that don't require many gruelling years in a junior position paying tuppence. These jobs also don't require specific qualifications before you get started, although they may require general qualifications, such as a degree, or your new employer might need to send you on courses once you've been hired.

There aren't many jobs that appear to fit my criteria, but here are three of those that I've identified. Naturally, some firms will be more strict than others, but I'm sure many of us would appreciate comments from lovemoney.com readers who can share their views on these and other jobs that might be a rapid career boost.

Stockbroker

Brokers average around £1,000 per week. 90% of brokers earn around £30,000 or more, and 70% earn in excess of £40,000, so it appears to be a job you can jump right into decent earnings with.

You'll probably need a degree, but it doesn't necessarily have to be in finance. Brokers earn more than employed financial advisers with far fewer exams, which you can do on the job, paid for by the firm. Pass the exams and after two years' experience you'll be fully qualified, but I have seen jobs starting at around £30,000 even before qualifying.

Expect high, high pressure. Long, long hours. You'll make lots and lots of phone calls. You need great maths skills. It's often a frenetic sales role, so you'll be a confident and convincing speaker, and very ambitious.

Train driver

26,000 train drivers earn an average £45,000 or so per year, with even the 10% lowest earners averaging £35,000. Most of the time you need no qualifications or experience, but you must be literate and numerate, and have a good general education. Many have come from completely different careers.

A driver on his website, How to Become a Train Driver, writes there are 317 applicants for every vacancy. It's difficult to get in, but not as bad as it sounds since many applicants are of “hog-whimperingly poor quality”.

You have erratic working patterns and can do long shifts. The train driver blogger writes: “You should also be the sort of person who is able to maintain concentration while working alone, be calm in difficult situations, be able to make decisions, have a high degree of safety awareness and be well organised and reliable.”

Police officer

245,000 police officers at sergeant rank or lower average nearly £40,000, which is about £10,000 more than the 70,000 fire service officers. The average salary for the lowest paid 10% is around £28,000, which receives a boost from frequent overtime over the standard 40 hours. There are roughly ten applicants per vacancy, with many being attracted to the salary, security and benefits, according to Police Recruitment.

You need to be fit enough with good vision (with or without glasses or contact lenses), good colour vision, and possess some maths and literacy skills, and you'll have to demonstrate logical reasoning. There are no automatic age and height restrictions.

Top tips for clearing out the clutter this New Year

Winter is the perfect time to have a clear out. To start with you'll need to make way for all those presents you'll (hopefully) be showered with over the festive period. Secondly, with summer being a distant memory, it's the perfect time to dig out those woolly mittens and stow away those summer dresses.

Out with the old, in with the new

If the thought of a big clear out is too much to stomach, try implementing a two in one out policy – if you treat yourself to a new purchase, donate two older items to the local charity shop. Be ruthless – if you haven't worn something for more than six months, you're probably not going to wear it any time soon. "Remind yourself that if it cost £100 and was a bad purchasing decision, leaving it hung up in your wardrobe isn't ever going to bring your £100 back,"

 

 

Foot patrol

Wardrobes are a clutter hotspot. If yours is a haphazard mess of shoes, boots and handbags, you're not only going to lose track of your favourite items but you risk damaging other garments. "Knee boots should be kept on boot trees so that they can stand up and remain in shape," says style consultant Lizzie Edwards (babetstyle.co.uk). "Shoes are best kept in clear shoe boxes or on a shoe rack in pairs at the bottom of the wardrobe. Bags can be hung on big hooks on the wall or backs of doors, and are best stored stuffed with tissue or the soft packing they came in so they keep their shape - don't just have a scrunched pile at the bottom of the closet!"

Think calm not clutter

Areas such as bedrooms and living rooms should be calm, organised spaces where clutter is kept to a minimum. Piles of junk will not only make it harder to relax, but will provide a constant reminder of the pressing need for a clear out.
"De-cluttering is really important in a lounge", says top interior designer Kelly Hoppen (kellyhoppenretail.com). "Make sure that anything excess is put away - once you have a clear space it will immediately feel bigger." Multipurpose storage solutions are a great way to store items that you want to keep to close to hand – examples are ottomans which double as magazine boxes or coffee tables with built-in book shelves.
Multipurpose furniture can also come in useful in bedrooms – dressers with hidden drawers and beds with built-in storage can all help free up surfaces. "Proper under bed drawers which can be wheeled in and out from under the bed will make life a lot easier," says Kelly Hoppen. "Make sure that anything you put under your bed needs to be there. There's no point shoving things under the bed only to have them still there and untouched a year later. If you're hiding it out of sight, chances are you could just throw it away, so make sure you're strict with yourself when storing things away."

Beauty blowout

When it comes to clearing out beauty products, things are slightly more straight forward. Anti ageing creams usually last around a year, as do body oils. Shampoos, conditioners and shower gels can last up to three – especially if they're contained in pump dispensers. Foundations should be thrown away after a couple of years – although if there's still some in the bottle after one year it's probably worth chucking anyway – whilst mascaras should be thrown out after one year. Eye and lip pencils can last several years – as long as the nib is sharpened before each use. Although perfume can last several years, resist the temptation to show off bottles by placing them on shelves, which will only make rooms feel cluttered. Instead, store them in a cupboard or drawer – perfume will last longer when stored in a cool, dry place and you'll have easier access to the products you use most regularly.

Kiddie clutter

The sad truth is that children and clutter go hand-in-hand, but encouraging a child to be tidy from an early age not only teaches them how to organise their own personal space but can also help them to learn how to care for their possessions. "A place for everything and everything in its place is an adage that holds true when it comes to children's rooms," says Toks Aruoture, founder of bespoke nursery designers Punkin Patch Interiors (punkinpatch.co.uk). "Suitable storage items range from wardrobes, bookshelves and coat hangers, to memo boards for all-important notes and cards, along with hair bow holders for little girls.
A child's room is another area where multipurpose items can come in useful. "Don't just count on the closet and toy boxes for storage options," says Sherri Blum at Jack and Jill Interiors (jackandjillinteriors.com). "Today's parents are opting for stylish pieces such as an armoire which provides storage throughout the years. Use it in the baby's nursery as a changing station or blanket storage and as your child grows it can be used as a computer station, video gaming area or for clothing. It not only allows for additional storage, but is a beautiful addition to any room." Keep an eye out for storage solutions that are fun to use and attractive to look at, such as brightly painted toy boxes or personalised drawers: if a child's helped to decorate a toy chest or box they're more likely to want to use it.

Coping with a hangover

Instead of telling you not to drink excessively over the festive season (because you probably aren't going to pay attention no matter what we say), here are some tips for before and after your big weekend to help you prevent and/or get over a hangover. Dissection of the hangover
Depending on how much and what you drink, a hangover can range from a mild queasy headachy feeling through to a thudding headache of migraine proportions, severe dehydration, nausea, diarrhoea and overwhelming exhaustion. Again, depending on the depth and breadth of your hangover, you could find yourself incapable of functioning normally, being grumpy, sensitive to light and not really up for a day’s work.
So what actually causes this grief after a night’s drinking? The main culprit is ethanol – that is the alcohol found in what you are drinking. Ethanol has diuretic properties, meaning that it makes you pee and you thus become dehydrated, which in turn causes the headache and nausea. So the more aclochol you drink, the more dried out you get and the more impressive your hangover will be.

Added to this are toxins found in alcoholic drinks (congeners, impurities that are a result of the fermentation process). The drinks containing the greatest amount of these toxins are red wine and dark liquors such as brandy, whisky and bourbon. White wines and clear liquors such as rum and vodka contain less congeners and so cause milder hangovers.
However, when you mix your drinks then different sorts of these toxins get mixed inside you and this is the best way to ensure that you finish up with the biggest of all hangovers… Additionally, beer is carbonated and speeds up your absorption of alcohol, so if you're into Beer with whisky chasers, you’ll be setting yourself up for a whopper hangover.
Preventing a hangover
Here are some tips to help keep the ensuing hangover to a minimum:

• Don’t drink on an empty stomach. Try to eat something solid, like a good plate of pasta, before you start drinking. A glass of full-cream milk can also help as the fat slows down the body’s absorption of the alcohol.

• If you are at a pub or a bar, try not to get into buying rounds with your chums, otherwise you'll lose track of how much you are drinking and have no control over your individual consumption. Better that everyone pays for his own drinks and drinks at his own speed.

• If possible, stick to clearer drinks such as white wine or gin… and steer away from the darker drinks such as whisky, red wine etc. And DO NOT mix your drinks over the evening.

• Try to alternate each alcoholic drink with a glass of non-fizzy water or juice. This will help keep you hydrated and may even reduce your overall alcohol consumption. Fizzy drinks don’t have the same effect as they are carbonated and so speed up alcohol absorption in the same way as beer does.

• Try to stop drinking early. If your objective is to get drunk, then once you’ve reached that objective, you should stop drinking. If you stop drinking alcohol earlier, your body will have more time to process and eliminate the alcohol before the next morning comes around.

• Walk at least a part of the way home – the fresh air will sober you up a bit and help out for the morning after.

• Remember to drink a couple of glasses of water before going to bed – it all helps to beat the dehydration.

Coping with a hangover
If you do wake up with a hangover, here are a few tips to lessen the pain:

• Avoid the old adage ‘hair of the dog’. Further drinking will only put the hangover off until later. Be careful; if your preferred hangover remedy is to drink more, you could be getting into a vicious alcohol-dependency circle.  

• Drink as much water as you can over the day. If you are bed-bound, keep a bottle of water handy to drink as and when.

• Try and drink some fresh fruit juice, which will give you a boost of vitamins.

• If you’ve got a bumper headache, you may need to take a painkiller, so go for the soluble version of paracetamol, which is gentler on your stomach, particularly if you are feeling nauseous.

• Avoid all caffeine (tea, coffee or energy drinks). While caffeine may give you a temporary feeling of improvement, it will also dehydrate you further and once the immediate effects wear off, you may actually feel worse.

• If you are feeling really dried out, then take a rehydration treatment sachet (available at the chemist) to replace lost minerals and salts.

• Even if you don’t feel like it, try to eat something – a banana is great and will help replace some of the potassium you lost through the extra peeing the night before. And if you're up for it, an English breakfast can also help by giving you a boost of calories and the amino acid cysteine, thought to be good for eliminating toxins.

• If you can manage it, get outside for a breath of fresh air and have a bit of a wander (even round the garden will do!).

• Rest and relax – you’ve overdone the drink and a hangover is the price to pay. So just lie back and accept it, get some rest and try to be more reasonable the next time you have a night out.

What you actually do need to know about alcohol consumption…
The NHS recommends:

• Men should not regularly drink more than 3-4 units a day.
• Women should not regularly drink more than 2-3 units a day.

'Regularly' means drinking these amounts every day or most days of the week. If you are 'regularly' drinking alcohol above these recommended amounts outside of the festive season, you may have the beginnings of an alcohol dependence problem.